Of course, I know which one is yours.
Really? But I used a different technique this time. That was the challenge, to work in a new medium.
Ya, that’s different but it’s the same landscape you always paint and draw. I know it well.
It’s not the same. Am I that boring? I always paint the same thing?
No, they don’t always look the same, but it’s clear you know that place well. Where is it, by the way? Where you grew up?
What do you mean? It’s not real; I just make up the landscape as I paint it… don’t I?
I couldn’t get his comment out of my head all night. When I got home from the gallery I pulled out all of my paintings and drawings of landscapes. I thought they were all unique but as I spread them around me on the floor, I saw what he meant. The same features- mountains in the distance, the rocks peeking above the water- just seen from different angles and distances… How could I be painting the same place over and over and not realize it? Is this a real place?
I tried to recall every beach my parents had taken us to, but I couldn’t remember ever visiting somewhere with mountains until my first trip to Banff with friends in college. In the grips of a consuming curiosity, I picked up my phone to call my parents, to interrogate them about this place, but stopped when I realized how late it was. I gathered my art and photos off the floor and went to bed.
Unable to keep it off my mind, my paintings running through my mind like a speedy slideshow projected on my closed eyelids, I slipped into sleep and dreamt of the unknown place. I heard the small waves lap the shore, felt warm sand between my toes, and smelled the washed-up seaweed. I felt small. I looked around and saw a smiling face. Her hair blew around her face and seemed to glow in the sun. I felt warm and safe as she reached down to hold me. I felt her arms around me and I almost heard her voice- but I awoke with a start.
Who was that woman? Where was that place?
Inspired by my friend Sarah’s beautiful landscape watercolours
❦
My lone popular TikTok video reached 1.0M views the other day, which means I’m a platinum one-hit wonder I guess. My work bestie / personal social media advisor encouraged me to keep going with it, posting more content like it, so I did another “5 things” video to promote my Little Red Riding Hood films video essay but the algorithm didn’t bite. I have not cracked the TikTok formula, unfortunately. But I have been accumulating TikToky ideas, so someday I’ll batch-film a bunch and we’ll find out if there’s another hit in me, I guess. The numbers don’t mean anything to me, by the way. I just want people to watch my video essays and subscribe to this newsletter. That video has over 2,000 comments but it’s only the handful of comments on it and a few other videos that mean anything to me. A comment saying “Your video essay was really good” adds to my life more than seeing a big number on a video thumbnail…